The Kisses of Severus Snape
by Irishlass18
Summary: "What if she wants you to kiss her?" "I suppose I'll just HAVE to kiss her." "Lily Evans is not so inexperienced that she'll be swept off her feet by your amateur lips. I was just offering to help you work on it." "Wait. How..how do you work on it?" Follow a story that traces the strange but endearingly bittersweet relationship of Severus and his friend, a girl often overlooked.
1. The First Kiss Lasts Forever

_I don't own Harry Potter or its characters, I only own "her/she," the unnamed female of this story. I hope you enjoy this little ficlet. The dialogue is loosely based on a scene from one of my favorite movies, "Some Kind of Wonderful" 1987._

* * *

"What if," she paused for emphasis, "what if she wants you to kiss her?"

His hiss reminded her to keep her voice down. Sitting in the more secluded area of the library didn't stop others from listening if they happened by. She held up her hand and nodded as an apology. When he made no move to either look up from his book or answer her question she lightly kicked him under the table. He hissed again, this time rubbing his shin.

"Ow! What kind of question is that?"

"Oh come on Sev, just answer me!" She refrained from tapping her quill against the parchment; it was a habit he found annoying and if he was annoyed he'd be less likely to tell her anything.

He paused a moment, making her squirm internally, before he shook his head. "I suppose I'll just HAVE to kiss her."

Despite her look of shock, he promptly set her and her useless chatter from his mind and turned his attention back to his homework. Not one to be so coolly dismissed, she kicked his leg under the table. When the first few kicks didn't work, he merely widened his knees so his shins were out of reach, she opted for something that she'd always wanted to do and could now get away with, using his lack of attention as an excuse. Hiding her true intent behind a frustrated demeanor, she slipped off her shoe and slowly slid her foot from his ankle all the way to his knee and, when he still didn't look up, she inched her toes up his thigh until he sighed and looked up from the book he'd been TRYING to study from.

"What do you want?" His ears were slightly pink and she took pleasure in the fact that she'd managed to pinken them, though she'd never verbally admit that fact to him or anyone else.

If anyone asked her about her relationship with Sev she'd either hex them or tell them to bugger off. Her friendship with Sev was a very private matter and the details were kept just between the two of them. The fact that they were friends regardless of their different backgrounds continually amazed her, so she wasn't about to take a risk and involve others in any way.

"Lily Evans is not so inexperienced that she'll be swept off her feet by your amateur lips." She pulled her foot away and slid it back into her shoe.

His gaze turned from blank to murderous in milliseconds, "Are you trying to say that Lily Evans is 'loose'? Don't you dare say-"

"No, no, Sev calm down!" She waved away his angry response as if it were a fly. "What I'm TRYING to say is this: you should know how to kiss her before you kiss her. Though I don't think she's loose, I do think that she's been kissed already." Before he could grow angry again she came at it from another angle. "She's entirely too beautiful and sweet to NOT have been kissed yet."

He nodded, conceding her point. He did not, however, comment on her theory. He instead shrugged and went back to the text below his nose. She sighed and glanced around the mostly deserted library. They were in the darkest, most secluded corner, no other place for the likes of him; no one was likely to overhear their conversation—thank goodness for that—and no one would see if anything happened. If those pesky Marauders heard Sev now…there would be hell to pay on both sides.

Sirius Black and his pets, as she'd taken to calling them, were such pricks sometimes. More than once she'd had to stand by and watch them tease and torture Severus. She wouldn't date step in; she knew it would only make Severus angrier and the likelihood of him forgiving her for further embarrassing him—what man wanted a woman to fight for him—was small. Of course, just because she'd witnessed the torture and didn't stop it then didn't mean she didn't strike back in her own ways. All members of the Marauders group had, more than once, found themselves on the dangerous end of a particularly hard to trace curse and all had, more than once, been blamed for incidents they, surprisingly, had not orchestrated. Yes, she had her ways of fighting for her friend.

"Sev." She kicked his leg again, though this time the kick was more like a caress; from her tone of voice and expression she knew she appeared oblivious of this. His glaring response appeared to be none the wiser of her change either.

"Would you just come out and say whatever it is you're trying to say instead of asking all these silly questions!" He looked like what he really wanted to do was throw the book in her face with a muttered sticking spell to go with it—she was sure that if it weren't for the fact that she gave as good as she got he probably would've done just that.

"Fine." She crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "I was just going to offer to help you work on your kissing abilities before you went out with Lily, you know just in case, but if that's the sort of attitude you repay a friend's efforts then you're on your own." She turned her head away and glared off into the distance, secretly hoping he'd take the bait.

In the end, she'd had to wait a bit longer than what she'd originally planned but he DID take the bait and she wasn't disappointed when she felt his foot bump against hers. She didn't respond right away though, having him initiate contact was rare so she would draw out this moment as long as possible. Though she didn't get a sweet foot tap or a daring leg caress, instead she got a near painful kick accompanied by his near frantic expression.

"Hey," he leaned across the table, "How…how do you…work on kissing?" He sounded so adorable that she had to seriously refrain from reaching across the table and ruffling his hair.

"Pretend I'm a girl." He snorted and she rolled her eyes. "I mean, pretend I'm her." She did her best to mimic Lily's movements and got a smirk from Sev as a reward. "I know it's a big stretch but try it."

He tipped his head to the side and studied seriously, as if he were truly trying to picture her as Lily. She mentally laughed at his seriousness, though she was far from surprised by it.

"You're too—" she raised an eyebrow but let him continue without interrupting, "I don't know. It's quite difficult trying to picture her face on your body." His shoulders drooped.

She sighed, "I'll try to keep my delight at your compliments contained." He looked confused and she chuckled. "Forget what I said. Just forget that I'm me for a few moments. Picture Lily if you can or, if you can't, just block out our history and pretend you don't know me." He nodded, squaring his shoulders and sitting up straighter again. "Come here," she stood up and motioned for him to join her by a more secluded corner, "I didn't mean for you to study me so seriously. Remember this is just practice and a bit of fun okay?"

He slowly joined her, awkward in his movements—like always—but adorable just the same—at least to her. He scratched the back of his head as he shifted from one foot to the other. She leaned against the bookcase and crossed her arms over her chest, drawing her gaze from his toes to the tip of his head. He was wearing the typical outfit for the school, and his hair was in deplorable condition, as per usual, but his eyes still held that intense quality that had first drawn her too him. His scrawny body held what she knew to be compact strength from past experience—she had deserved to be thrown off him after school when day when she'd jumped on him for a surprise and ended up getting surprised herself when she'd gone flying in response—so even his body was good looking to her. What the hell, he was just all around appealing to her. Except his insistency on loving a girl who would never love him back whereas she…she stopped that mental wandering and brought herself back to the present. He was blushing by the time she was done eyeing him up.

"Come on Sev! If a girl looks at you exclusively, or for a period of time longer that five seconds, then more than likely she's interested in talking to you, at the very least." He nodded and she dropped her arms. "Oh Sev you look so good today! Have you been exercising lately?" She used a higher pitched voice and watched as Severus winced.

"What do you mean? I look the same as I did yesterday, you already know that."

She rolled her eyes, "Sev, it's called flirting. Guys and girls exchange compliments or tease each other in order to make excuses to touch or get closer to one another."

He tipped his head to the side as if he was filing away the information for later access. She sighed and shook her head. Some things would probably never change.

"Okay so we're past the whole flirting/staring part and now we've come to the kissing part." He blushed again and she sighed as well. "What do you do with your hands?"

He shrugged, "It depends."

"No it doesn't," she assured him as she reached forward and took hold of his hands, "they go on her hips."

His body was stiff and his face was crimson but he let her lead him. Since she rarely touched him, and he rarely let her, she was surprised he wasn't complaining more than he already had. But she supposed it was all in the name of "Lily Evans" so it could be endured. Just the mention of that name and her blood near boiled in envy. But that was an emotion to be tended to later. At this point in time it was all about Sev and the fact that he was willingly complying with her wishes. She concentrated on coming at this from a scientific "friendly" sort of way—that was the only way her heart didn't speed up with his hands now holding her hips in a firm yet gentle grip.

"She'll probably do this," she put her arms around his neck, her fingers curling at the base of his neck.

He tipped his head to the side in question, "How do you know?"

She grinned, "The only reason why I was sorted into this bloody house is because I'm a voyeur."

He snorted then almost immediately sobered again. She loved those rare moments when he let his true emotions and reactions show. However his lack of seriousness, and the precious glimpse through the layers of pain into his soul would just make this more difficult for her to come out of unscathed so she glared at him until he finally stopped smirking.

"Now, look into my eyes." Sev did so but then smirked and looked away, obviously amused again. "Look, I don't have to do this you know." She growled at him.

"Sorry." He had the decency to look sheepish as he shifted his weight and drew up straighter. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again he seemed more in control, the grip on her hips shifting ever so slightly higher.

She had to concentrate on breathing evenly in response. "Just grow up a little." He rolled his eyes at her and she smiled. It was time… "Close your eyes."

He frowned, "Why?"

"Because I can't do this with you staring down your nose at me all right?" She growled at him, yanking on his hair just enough to get him to grimace. "Now close your bloody eyes Sev!"

He glared at her for a moment before finally complying. Though his face was twisted in an expression of apprehension, curiosity, confusion, and amusement, he still looked handsome to her. Though he wanted someone else she still wanted him. This was her chance, probably the only one she'd EVER have, to kiss him. So here she was…going for it!

She slowly leaned forward, careful not to move too fast for fear of startling him. When she felt his warm breath fan across her skin, her eyes drifted closed of their own accord. She tipped her head to the side and gently, ever so gently, placed her lips against his. The first brush was light, the second she pressed more firmly. She felt his body stiffen for a moment as he drew in a startled breath. Immediately, she pulled his lower lip between her own, having seen this done before by many couples snogging in random places. She felt his heartbeat speed up through the thin skin of his neck. She used her arms to pull him closer, molding him to her own body until their chests almost touched. Her body relaxed. Having him so close seemed to release a tension that she'd been holding inside almost from the moment she'd met him. Once she relaxed against him, he finally seemed to relax against her. Score one!

She traced her finger tips against his neck as she opened her mouth slightly, just enough to run her tongue along his bottom lip. His hands on her hips tightened and he drew closer. Her back was now lightly pressed against the bookshelves. She liked the feeling of being trapped between his warm body and the hardness of the books. She wondered what she could do to incite a stronger response. She took a chance and nipped his lower lip with her teeth then sucked away the sting. His hands on her hips tightened even more and his mouth parted slightly with another gasp. Score two!

She took the opportunity to slip her tongue between his lips, running it against his. He pressed more firmly against her, his heart racing. She ran her tongue against the roof of his mouth, under his tongue, and then tried to coax him to follow her back into her own mouth. He didn't quite make it past his own lips but he did at least respond with tongue movements of his own. She would alternate between caressing his tongue with hers and leaving little nips along his lips, sucking away the sting. She let a little moan, ever so slight, escape her throat and that seemed to incite him even more because she was now pressed even more firmly against the books and his body. Their chests were melded together and she felt his hips lightly brush against hers, making warmth pool low in her belly. Score three!

She tugged at his hair as she tipped her head to the side a bit more; deepening the kiss to a level she knew they'd both appreciate. She was rewarded when she felt more than heard him moan in his throat. A further reward was one of his hands pressing a little further back on her hip until it was resting just above her bum, slightly pressing her more against him. Having his hips almost flush against her own nearly undid her. She could feel his heart pounding in his chest from where it pressed against her own, and she knew her own heart was racing in response. The hand that had been resting on his hip traveled higher to her rib cage then up past her chest to her neck where his hand cupped her face, his thumb caressing the skin on her cheek. She didn't care about scores anymore; she gave herself over to the kiss. Her hands coming down to rest on his hips while his moved up to cup her face more. She rubbed at his hips, while their tongues danced together in an age-old rhythm, then traced her hands up his back and pressed him against her. When his hips moved the final few inches to meet hers completely her knees almost buckled and it was only his arms that kept her from falling.

She could've kissed him forever, would've been happy to actually, but their snogging disrupted more than one book and it was their sudden crash to the floor that caused her and Sev to jerk apart as if burned. His hair was lightly tussled, his lips swollen. She thought he'd never been more handsome. She didn't know if he could see her adoration or not, but seriously hoped he couldn't. So before she gave herself away with an embarrassing confession, or he guessed her true feelings, she bent down and gathered up the books they'd dropped.

"You're blushing." He commented as she turned to put some of the books back into their rightful place.

She did her best to chuckle, "Yah the day I blush." She bent down and picked up some more books, her fingers brushing his when he reached down for a few as well. She closed her eyes briefly at the contact then quickly stood and replaced the books. When she turned around she found him just as close as when they'd been kissing. She carefully swallowed and resisted the temptation to lick her lips. "What?"

"That was…surprising." His gaze was focused on her lips but eventually traveled back up to her eyes. His body seemed to sway of its own accord, coming nearer then moving further away. It was as if he didn't know what he wanted, to be closer or run away.

She raised her eyebrows, "That's all you have to say?" She narrowed her eyes at him and growled. "If this is how you thank a friend I don't know if I'm good enough to be your friend."

Despite the fact that she adored being so close to him, she brushed past him and began to gather her things knowing that this session was at an end. She would have to relive this moment in her dreams because it would never happen again.

"No I didn't mean that." He stumbled slightly in his efforts to move quickly. "You're pretty…good…you're pretty…"

She stopped and looked up at him through her hair. He was blushing, looking confused and curious at the same time. He'd probably never even really thought of her as a female before that kiss—damn him. Now suddenly she was his friend AND female…how did one balance that? Funny how she knew almost exactly what he was thinking and she wasn't even a mind reader.

"You're good to go," he looked confused over her words and she smiled as she stood straight, "I mean with your ability to sweep Lily off her feet with a kiss. You're perfectly fine in that department." She finished putting her stuff into her bag, "I'll see you later Sev." She patted his shoulder, though she really wanted to hug him. "Don't forget my pointers when you meet up with Lily."

He nodded mutely and she disappeared around a book shelf. Well that could've gone better…and much worse. She was lucky she hadn't declared her undying crush on him. Hopefully next time…oh who was she kidding…there would never be a next time…


	2. The Farewell Kiss

_This scene is based off of a scene from the movie "Taking Lives" with Angelina Jolie._

* * *

The knock startled her out of her stupor. She stood, the newspaper with the headlines "Potter Family Murdered!" falling to the floor. She walked as if in a daze to the door. Her wand was lying on the bed behind her. She was still in such a state of shock that it hadn't occurred to her to summon it before opening the door. These were dangerous times and yet she found herself opening the door without checking to see who it was first.

There HE stood, damp from the rain outside, looking like death himself. Her heart tore in two as she stared at him in silence. He was leaning heavily against her doorpost with his head bowed, a veil of hair blocking her view of his face. Even though she couldn't see it clearly she knew his face was twisted into a painful grimace. How could it not be? The love of his youth, the very woman he'd betrayed in a moment of weakness, the woman he'd watched marry another man, the woman who had been torn from his life without his reconciling old wounds, had been destroyed. Now he was left with his heart bleeding inwardly, his soul snapped in two.

She didn't say anything, in fact she didn't move. Why was he HERE of all places? They hadn't spoken to each other since the horrible argument over his joining the Deatheaters and that had been some time ago. But in reality, if she took the time to think about it, where else did he have to go? He couldn't go to his family…what family actually? He had no friends to speak of; Deatheaters were not friends after all. So truthfully she was all he had left. The truth of that fact shook her to the core. What should she do with this new found position in his life? He was so vulnerable right now. In so much pain and so lost. One wrong move, one wrong word…it could easily send him into a place of no return—a dark place that she'd very nearly fallen into more than once.

She carefully reached forward, gently touching her fingertips to the skin on his wrist. He hissed and drew his arm away as if stung. It was the wrist he was branded with, she knew this from his reaction. He cradled it against his chest, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. She dropped her arm but pushed the door further open, backing away in a silent invitation for him to follow. She was surprised when he did more than just follow.

Instead of merely stumbling inside and shutting the door he suddenly peered at her through the veil of hair in his face. His gaze was bright and almost feverish and she suddenly wondered if he was altogether there. His gaze caused her heart to jerk in awareness, her belly clenching. He dropped his hand and strode forward with a confidence she rarely saw in him. She naturally backed away from this invasion of personal space. He nudged the door shut with his foot as he pushed past it. She raised her eyebrows but still said nothing, almost afraid to break the silent spell that hung over them.

He continued to advance and she continued to retreat until she was surprised to find her back against the wall. A sudden memory of their first kiss flashed before her eyes unbidden. Her heart sped up at the memory but she did her best to wipe it away. Then again the encounter at their last argument came to haunt her. She knew he could read minds; he'd practiced on her a few times when he'd first trained, and she knew she was oh so vulnerable to him. It didn't take a lot for him to push past her barriers and she didn't want to get caught fantasizing about their history.

Her heart ignored her best wishes, however, when instead of stopping a good distance away, he continued forward until the tips of his boots were touching her bare toes. If she took a REALLY deep breath, their chests would brush. If she leaned forward only a hair their noses would touch. What in the world was going on inside that head of his? Did he think she was Lily? Was he drunk or in a stupor? She didn't smell alcohol so he wasn't drunk and though his eyes were bright they weren't dilated like they would've been if he had been under a trance. So what was he doing?

He suddenly reached forward and she stiffened, unsure of what she was supposed to do and what he was doing. She wore only a bathrobe, having taken a nice, hot bath at least an hour before—she just hadn't gotten around to changing as the newspaper had distracted her. His finger tips traced along her collar bone and she had to physically catch at the wall behind her to keep from falling over in shock. He hadn't touched her in years. His fingers were cold but that didn't stop her skin from flushing and rippling with goose bumps. She stood up straighter and tipped her head back to stare at him more fully.

His other hand came forward to grab hold of the belt of her bathrobe. The fierceness of this move made her gasp. She looked from his grip on the cloth to his face, confusion and, unfortunately, hope clearly written on her face. His face was nearly blank, except for the pain and passion that roared behind his eyes. Should she stop him? Surely this was going nowhere good, and fast.

He leaned forward and her breath caught in her throat as he moved down to brush the tip of his nose against the junction of her neck and shoulder, audibly breathing in her scent. Shivers, delicious shivers, ran up and down her spine. She dug her fingers into the wall to keep from reaching for him. His hand at her collar bone curled around until it rested at the nape of her neck, turning her head sideways. She was putty in his hands at the moment and sadly that didn't bother her as much as it should've.

She closed her eyes against reality as she felt his lips lightly brush over her pulse as he traveled up her neck to her ear, his lips and nose never leaving contact from her skin. Her kneels nearly buckled when she suddenly felt his hand latch onto her hip and tug her closer, or him closer she didn't know which one because she was still against the wall. His chest leaned against hers and she felt his breath mingling with hers when his face turned so that his cheek rested against hers, his lips parallel with hers, though not touching…yet.

Her eyes opened as one of her hands traveled, against her will, up to his shoulder where it lightly rested. Her fingers splayed out, only the tip of her thumb brushing against the skin of his neck. This seemed to make something inside him snap because suddenly his lips were crushing against hers, his tongue driving deep inside her mouth, as he pressed his body fully against hers. His arms snaked around her waist and back and she felt herself melting into his grasp, her arms coming to rest on his shoulders for support as he turned and slightly dipped her over his arm. All she could do was keep up with him as he kissed her as if his life depended on it. She didn't know why he was kissing her, or what he hoped to gain from it, but she knew that she was only allowing it because the sadist in her still wanted him for herself, despite the many rejections.

His arms branded her and her body felt like fire and ice as she quivered like a simpering fool in his arms. She both loved and hated what he managed to do to her with a few caresses and well placed kisses. Damn him! One of his hands came up to cup her breast. His hand weighed the weight of it, his fingers splaying out and squeezing, before his hand moved on to her neck to cup her head. His hips maintained pressure against hers and she felt the fire of passion radiating out of his chest and body, its intensity igniting her own. She clung to him, her nails most likely leaving marks on his neck. She felt more than heard him growl in response and that only served to incite her more.

She didn't know how long he kissed her, she actually didn't know if this was even real or a dream, they had clung to one another kissing and caressing for some time, but he stopped kissing her almost as quickly as he'd started. Thankfully, he didn't push her away and leave immediately. Instead he pulled back and stared down at her for a silent moment or two, a kaleidoscope of emotions dancing in his eyes and face: passion, fear, pain, hope, desire, hatred, confusion. She clung to him, afraid to let go, and yet also afraid to hold on. Then, a bit reluctantly, he let go of her and waited until she dropped her arms from his shoulders. He reached out and brushed the back of his knuckles against her cheek. She barely kept herself from leaning into the brief caress.

He straightened then, his face growing harder with each passing second, the light in his eyes dying away. She watched as the man she'd come to love slowly disappeared behind this…cold statue before her. Once the mask was in place he let her take it in for a few moments and then he nodded to her once before turning and walking stiffly to the door. He didn't even look back before he closed the door behind him, leaving the room as if he'd never been there.

She had the dignity to NOT crumple to the floor but that didn't stop her from walking, on shaky legs, to the bed and sitting down. She supposed that was a sort of goodbye, a sort of showing her the "new him." She doubted if she'd ever see him again, at least alive. He would go after Lily's murderers and she knew him well enough to know that he would do ANYTHING to succeed. He'd broken her heart and tossed her aside when he'd thought the Deatheaters would bring him success. This would be no different. Except this time…this time he'd shown her a piece of his heart, allowed her a blissful moment of affection, before he buried his heart behind his mission of vengeance. His mission would kill him; she knew that as clearly as she knew she loved him.


	3. The Crying Kiss

"How did you find me?" She asked breathlessly, she hated sounding breathless.

He didn't say anything at first. He merely sat there, looking calm and serene in her drawing room. She should have felt angry, it had been decades since they'd last seen each other and THAT parting had been confusing as hades. Instead she merely felt surprise and, yes she was pathetic, pleasure at the sight of him. It may have been decades but that didn't stop her from loving him, quietly and on her own.

His voice interrupted her thoughts. "I came to say goodbye."

"Um," she nibbled her lower lip as she drew closer, "Didn't we do that years ago when you kissed the bloody hell out of me before disappearing?"

He didn't even have the decency to look perturbed by her words. He merely stared at her with that cold statue face that she'd first glimpsed after THAT kiss that had left her bothered for near months afterwards. She hated that cold statue. She loved the man beneath it though.

"No, that wasn't goodbye." He looked down at his nails as if he were bored and she immediately knew that he was more nervous and emotional than he was letting on—that made her feel a LITTLE bit better. "That was merely…"

"Don't you DARE say mistake." She pointed her finger at him and narrowed her eyes. "I swear I'll hex you into hades if you say that kissing me was a mistake."

She thought she caught a hint of a smile on his lips but it disappeared too quickly for her to be sure. He stood then, with fluid movements that made her a little nervous. When had he grown into a lithe predator that he now looked in his dark clothes—no he wasn't wearing robes thank goodness—his eyes darkening with some emotion she couldn't put her finger on.

"What are you doing here, Sev?" she crossed her arms over her chest, doing her best to protect her heart from pounding out of her chest in hope and fear.

He stepped forward and she had the strength to keep from stepping back, though barely. He reached out and she was proud of herself for not grimacing—she'd had a rough life since they'd last met. His hand hovered in the air between them for a moment before it finally moved the last bit to touch her cheek. His hand was warm and she was frustrated to feel herself flush at the touch. Why did she have to be so bloody vulnerable to him?

"Because," he stepped forward again, his other hand coming up to curve around the nape of her neck, "I've always known."

He leaned forward he gently brushed his lips against her forehead. She raised her eyebrows in confusion.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about? You leave my life and don't make any attempt to contact me then you suddenly show up, in a place I thought no one knew about, and you're all affectionate and NOT the usual Sev…what have you always known?" His words suddenly sunk in past the shock of his touch.

Did he know her secret? Did he truly know THAT? Her heart began to pound a bit faster and she felt her chest rise and fall as her breathing accelerated.

"Yes," he leaned forward and kissed her cheek, "I've always known THAT."

Before she could sputter at him, or hiss and cry, he pressed his lips against hers, erasing all previous thought processes she'd been having. Her arms unwound themselves and quickly traveled up to his shoulders. It was only natural to melt against him, again. Only natural to allow him to take liberties by deepening the kiss and running his hands up and down her back almost comfortingly. Only natural to feel shivers race up and down her spine as the kiss held an emotion she'd always desperately wanted to feel from him but never had before. Only natural to lose balance and have him sweep her up against his chest as he stepped back and sat down again with her now sprawled across his lap.

When they finally stopped for air, neither let go of the other. She clung to him as if she were afraid he'd disappear again, and she almost was. He held onto her as if she was a treasure long lost but recently found, and who knew…maybe she was. He leaned his forehead against hers, his eyes falling closed as he took deep calming breaths. She didn't close her eyes; she wanted to drink in every moment with him. Her very being had been starved for him for years and now she could finally feast on the presence of him.

"I'm going to die tomorrow."

Of all the things to say…he had to go and say something horrible like that. She stiffened, her grip on him tightening three fold. She'd always known that his quest for vengeance would kill him…but then she'd always thought she'd never see him again. Now he was back in her life, telling her that he knew and accepted her love…perhaps even returned it to a degree, and he had the gall to tell her he was about to die?

"How do you know?" she buried her face in the crook of his neck and breathed in deeply.

"It's something that I've known for a while. It's hard to explain." He continued to hold her against his body, his chin resting on the top of her head.

She sighed, "It's because of your quest for vengeance isn't it?"

He was quiet for a moment then answered, "Yes."

"That's why you came back to me," She raised her eyes to look at him, "because you wanted to REALLY say goodbye."

He nodded, his eyes grim, "But I also wanted to let you in on a little secret."

She merely blinked at him, waiting for anything.

"I've always loved you too."

She didn't say anything in response. She merely pulled his head down and kissed him. The kiss tasted of love and tears. Tonight would be their first and last night together. It would be bittersweet…but what about Severus Snape wasn't bittersweet?


	4. The Kiss of Life

_"What the hell were you thinking Sev? You're-" _

_His hand roughly covering her mouth cut off her words. She glared at him as he peered over both his shoulders before pushing her backwards until her back hit the wall of small, stony alcove behind her. When he still didn't remove his hand in a timely manner she opened her lips and licked him. He pulled his hand back as if stung, wiping his offended hand furiously against his robes._

_"You didn't have to lick me."_

_She glared, "You didn't have to cut me off."_

_"Oh yes I did," He glanced back into the deserted stairwell, "you were yelling loud enough to wake the dead."_

_"Well maybe I wanted to because maybe they'd knock some sense into that egotistical, arrogant, self-pitying head of yours."_

_His mouth formed a thin line, "What are you talking about?"_

_"I know what you did Sev."_

_"What?"_

_She turned her head to the side and stared out the thin slit of a window beside her shoulder. She needed to calm down enough to talk clearly and without yelling. But just the thought of what he'd done made her blood boil to such a level she was surprised she hadn't burst into flames or melted on the spot already._

_"You joined the Deatheaters." She spoke without looking at him but when she heard him hiss in a quick breath she looked back at his drawn expression. "And I know why you did it."_

_His face turned ashen white and he took a step back, "H-how do you know?"_

_"Sev," she resisted the urge to reach out to touch him, with her anger dissipating in the face of his horror, "we've been friends for so long, you've read my mind for so many years, I think that's managed to leave behind a residue of you and that residue let me know that shit was happening somewhere. I just managed to find that shit in time to see the grand finale." She sighed and looked back out the window again. "I don't know why you felt the need to join them though. There are other ways, Sev."_

_He growled and his face began to harden again, "You aren't a true Slytherin if you think that." She heard a sinister chuckle and she turned to see an expression of disdain, something he'd never shown her before. "In fact, you've never been a true Slytherin."_

_Her blood boiled again, "No I'm not. I never really have been have I? I told you before it was only voyeurism that got me in here! But guess what I'm the true odd ball in this bloody house. You just thought you were the only one picked on, teased, and spit upon, both literally and figuratively." She grew quiet a moment before she carefully spoke again. "Sev you have never once asked me why I always have bruises on my body."_

_His eyes immediately traveled to her neck and arms and his eyes widened when in truth a nasty looking bruise peered out from just below her shirt collar on both her neck and wrist. His face lost its hardness but his lips drew into a thin line._

_"Why?" his voice wavered a bit._

_She sighed once more, feeling a heavy weight on her shoulders, "I could ask the same of you and your hasty decision."_

_At the reminder of their argument, he stiffened again. Why did he have to be so bloody stubborn? Why did he have to have an ego as big as the world?_

_"I thought long and hard about my decision, it was not hasty."_

_She scoffed, "Neither was their decision to beat me and curse me anytime they found out I tried to influence you to be human and not a hate-filled patsy for their whims!"_

_His eyes widened again. Shock came first then suddenly his hands were like brands on her upper arms as he pressed her harshly against the stone behind her._

_"You would lie to me? You would betray me so?" She saw the anger building within his eyes and at the same time she saw her friend and crush loose himself in that anger._

_She swallowed, "Sev the fact that you think I'm lying is proof enough to me that you're beyond my reach."_

_His hands loosened just a fraction, "What do you mean?"_

_"I mean," her throat caught and damn her eyes but they grew misty, "that I cannot continue to be your friend and confidante while you are in their midst. They have unofficially tormented my family for centuries, even though we are a distinguished family." She hesitatingly reached up and lay one of her hands over one of his where it held her fast. "I will not stand by and watch your soul be sucked from you in your pursuit of this 'righteous' anger that you feel."_

_His hands remained where they were but the bite was no longer in them._

_"What are you saying?" He sounded closer to the friend she knew but she also understood that he wasn't truly there anymore._

_"I'm saying that if you choose to remain with them, Sev, then we are going to have to say goodbye, for good." Despite her better wishes a few tears fell then and she watched his gaze follow their journey down her cheeks._

_"I don't understand."_

_She closed her eyes and took a calming breath, "Sev you need to let go of me." When she opened her eyes, she saw such a pained look on his face that her heart broke into millions of pieces. "Both right now and in your heart and mind. You need to realize that they can use you against me or me against you. They would too if they knew that we'd been such close friends. We can no longer be in contact with each other. You can no longer even think about me. If you ever felt any affection for me, Sev, you will forget me, for my sake and yours."_

_He hesitated, in both body and mind. She saw the hesitation, felt it actually. It was during that hesitation that she boldly learned forward and pressed her lips against him. The rest of her dormant tears fell as she closed her eyes, making the kiss even more bittersweet as they fell across her cheeks and lips. He didn't pull back but he didn't respond either. She didn't try to deepen the kiss beyond one of farewell but she didn't pull back immediately either. In the time she kissed him she felt his hands momentarily tighten then loosen, and through her hand on his she felt his pulse spike then settle back into a steady rhythm. Then his hands fell, breaking contact. She took this as the signal to leave._

_When she did finally pull back, his face was blank of emotion. She shared a long, soul searching gaze with him for a few moments longer before she moved past him. With every step she took away from him she felt her heart break a little more. She would never have her love, and he would never find peace. He would die from this, she knew and she just hoped he'd realize it before it was too late..._

Breath came back into his body so forcefully that tears sprang into his eyes and he had to clutch at his chest to make sure it didn't burst open. The memory had been so vivid that the almost felt that he'd time traveled in his moments of death. Now he lay in a broken heap on the ground, barely alive, but still that barely was enough. He thrashed on the ground as his body came to life again, pain mixing with hope as reality fell close behind bodily sensations. He felt hands grasp his shoulders to hold him down as the last of the convulsions passed through him. She'd been right, his quest for vengence had almost killed him. But before that, she'd been right, his misguided hate had almost cost him everything he held dear. But now...now he had a new chance.

When he finally managed to open his eyes, he saw a blurry outline. The more he blinked the more the figure came into focus. But even so, with the light behind the figure all he could see was a glowing shadow. He heard voices, garbled unclear voices, but one closer began to make sense and the sound of it brought peace into his wounded soul. A slight smile fell on his lips. He was alive, he was alive! The hands on his shoulders grew soft and he felt fingers brush hair from his face. He opened his eyes again, this time with the figure coming into focus. His sighed in contentment and reached towards the figure with a prayerful name on his lips.

He was alive! He was battered and beaten, in body and soul, but he was alive and he was hers. As he reached for her with her name like a prayer on his lips she knew then that everything would work out. It would be a struggle, constant and threatening at times, but it would be worthwhile as long as they faced it together. Tears of joy fell down her cheeks as she kissed him. Though the kiss tasted salty it held so much hope and love that if it had the power of desctruction it could have destroyed the world ten times over. Neither of them were thinking of destruction though, even though they were surrounded by the remains of great battle and destruction. All they could think about was the hope of a future they now had together. Sev would later laugh at her description of this moment, accusing her of being overly romantic and quite patheticly sappy, but she wouldn't care. As long as he was there to criticize her sappiness, she was content.


End file.
